Shaped into the mould of physician

when I told my non medical mates about my new run being ‘general medicine’ they wrinkled their nose and said ‘err that sounds boring’. this made me laugh.

the last 2 weeks have definitely been boot camp- to get me up to speed in time for my Long case Assessment in 6 short weeks time. boy have I changed my mindset and study habits. My parents dont know what hit them when I have hibernated for 2 weekends running in my room bent over books and paper everywhere.

its the necessity of getting to terms with the giant of medicine – gen med. such a non threatening and benign sounding name – i mean it made the general public think of ‘yawn’ but is such a misnomer. it should be called the giant of medicine run.

thankfully after crashing and burning last week – I cornered  my consultant and house surgeon on how I could improve. armed with tips to be a better trainee doc- I think I did a whole lot better this week- thank goodness

less unaware, more critical in my learning – my registrar may have been nice but said to me ‘you held your own this week – I think u impressed the consultant’ 🙂 its nice to hear – especially if the only feedback u seem to get is what you have done wrong!

but this mega turnaround has not been with out costs. On Wednesday this week- grueling post acute rounds and jobs finished after 5pm and I came home had dinner and coma’ed out straight for 12 hours – from 7pm til 7am…

such fatigue. such a kick start to how it feels to be junior doctor- the long hours- I stayed at hospital for more than 10 hours for 3 days in a row- that was a kick to the head – being awake to solely function in the day and serve others in hospital – to be non functional in the later hours… even if you are paid – i am unsure that I would want to live this way forever- no matter how rewarding the profession is. I have other dreams, aspirations, interests outside of medicine.

i was cultivating my other interests before these 2 weeks – and then it was effectively excised out of my thinking – tunnel vision – study, work, sleep etc

I do marvel at how focussed I have become – it is a common occurrence for me to wake up from a dream about the hospital, ward rounds or medical problems – atleast 5 nights out of 7 so far. One time I could not remember my dream and the other one was about eating chocolate and waking up to want it!

one down side is – the hecticness has made me really bad at details such as ‘what day it is’ and what I have done at all- everything – if i actually recall it that is all blurred into one- hence I really did have some things I thought at the time would be fantastic for my blog but did not have the energy to write – and now at the end of the week – they have vanished into thin air! glad no one will pounce on me with an MSQ~

I find that I am scared of getting old and being stuck in hospital as a patient. I do not want to be the poor old dear with end stage heart failure with iatrogenic renal problems secondary to tipping the fine line between not enough to too much diuretics for her fluid overload… or the ones with mysterious falls or decompensation/ strokes… no wonder they are so grumpy when they come into hospital – rather evil- but then turn around as they get better to become the sunny old grannies they were previously.

roll on week 3 – i feel more and more ready as time goes although I do have a long way to go in terms of consolidating everything 🙂 more serious probably with less wild imaginations…

I mean that last post did sound a little erratic- scared that a psychiatrist will read it or something and have a spot diagnosis for me!

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